To start off the weekend...

So, it's the beginning of the weekend, and weekends are VERY relaxed here. It does get kind of boring, but also really nice, cause by the end of the week, we are all both physically and emotionally exhausted. On Saturdays they take us out, either shopping or to the movies or smething like that. However, I'm still not medically stable enough to be allowed out. I was disappointed that I can't go today, but I'll hope for next week. So pretty much, lots of movies, and naps, and hanging out is planned for today and tommorrow.

For all of last week, I was on "full wheelchair" which meant that basically, I wasn't allowed to walk. Even in the clinic, or back on the unit where I stay, I had to be pushed between rooms and stuff. They had me on that cause my blood pressure and pulse and such were pretty messed up. Now those are a lot better, so I'm only on the partial chair, just transported between buildings. Hopefully next week I'll be able to get off all of those and actually be able to walk, and go on the outings. It kind of came as a shock to me to realize that I've actually done a lot of damage to my body and my health, even if I don't see it a lot of the time. And it's not going to just get better after a few meals. It's frustrating to be doing all that they tell me to, and to still feel bad. But I have treated my body like crap for 5 years, I guess I should be patient with it to adjust to all the changes, even if they are good changes.

I'm starting to bond more with all the girls, and feeling comfortable to speak up a lot more in group therapy and such. I'm getting to know the staff better, and while of course I've butted heads with some of them on certain issues, for the most part I really like them. I've especially bonded with the overnight care tech on my unit. I've had a really hard time sleeping for the last few nights. I'm always afraid to go to bed, because I know that the time between when I lie down, and when I fall asleep is when the monsters in my head really come out. The last few nights, she's done everything she could to make me feel safe, sometimes just sitting with me for hours. She has been such a blessing, and I can tell that she really actually cares, it's not just her job.

I'm starting to get pretty homesick.I really miss everyone back home, and my friends, and my puppy. I'm lucky to be in pretty consistent contact with people, most treatment centers aren't like that. But it's still hard. I wish I were closer, so people could come visit :-(

Yesterday I actually had a doughnut for breakfast! The dietician brought them in for a challange. She said the new people had the option of not participating, but I decided to go for it anyways. And I survived :-)

The weather is so crazy in Oklahoma. So unpredictable, it can start out sunny and hot, and the next hour be 30 degrees cooler. Last week the temperatures were in the 80's....and then yesterday, it SNOWED. Yes, actually snowed. In April. It was crazy. Now it's still pretty cold, the temperature is in the low 20's at night, but it's supposed to be back up in the 80's by next week.

Well, it's time to go down to lunch now (I swear, it's like we eat every other hour here), so I will end here for now. Till later...