Still kickin'....

Hey all....

Well, I haven't really been in the mood to write much....plus, my emotions vary by the minute, so usually by the the I type something down, my thoughts and feelings have changed on it....it's like having PMS 24/7. But I wanted to let everyone know that I'm still kickin' and hanging in there. Just a few updates:

• Yesterday I moved to the other house for the residential and partial patients. I still have programming i the same place and with the same people, but just sleep and spend the evenings somewhere else. It's nice, more laid back, less hospital-like. And the staff is really nice, which I was worried about since I had bonded a lot with some of the staff on the ohr unit.
• I was also moved to the Partial status....which is the lowest level of care. Basically an insurace decision, not really that I'm actually at that point yet
• Speaking of the lovely insurance company...they decided to stop paying yesterday. Laureate is still trying to appeal it, they have a speci person whose job is to fight the insurance companies, but they said that appeal don't usually work. SO frustrating...it's just not right
• I get to got to Target on Saturday!!!! That's where we are going for this weekends outing...I'm excited
• I started on self-select for my lunches. That means that I actually go through the line and get what I need, and portion and what-not, instead of just getting everything given to me on a tray. It was pretty stressful, but I'll get used to it. Of course, I did have to start, of all days, onthe day they served hamburgers.
• I've decided that Miralax is pretty much the greatest thing ever...my tummy feels better :-)
• Silly Putty is a close second
• Ooh, new fact I just learned...I only have to get weighed 3 times a week now (which most importantly means less mornings of standing in the hallway in nothing but a gown, freezing my butt off...oh, but no worries...those hamburgers will grow it right back :-/). And I only have to get my vitals taken once a day. Woohoo!!!
• Still having trouble sleeping...doctor has me on 2 sleep meds...somehow I can still stay awake
• The weather has been much nicer....sunshine, YAY! Today for a couple of our groups, we had them outside, and it was beautiful. How I have missed the sun!

Ok, that's all I can think of right now. Plus, if I don't go get my nighttime meds now, the nurse will not be happy with me. Oh,and I do have a new address: Laureate/CCW,6655 South Yale Ave., Tulsa OK 74136. Ok, so it's actually the same address, just CCW (Canyon Creek West) insead of Wells 2. But mail will still reach me at the other address. And thank you so much to all of you who have written. It really makes my day....I feel very loved. Much love to everyone, and I will try to write more soon.

Another week done

Well, it's the end of another week...finally! It's felt like a long one. I have now been here 2 weeks and a day. It actually doesn't seem like it's been that long, although the individual days go by SO slow. This weekend I actually get to go on the outing, so I'm pretty excited about that. We are going to one of those places where you paint pottery. It should be pretty fun, even just to get out for a bit.

The last few days have been really hard. It's the family week, which they have every month. My family couldn't make it to this one, and it was hard to watch a lot of the other patients have their families with them. Makes me very homesick. It was interesting to have the schedule changed up a bit.

Today I went to get a bone scan to see if my bone density has been damaged. It felt kind of weird to do that...I don't think anyone in the waiting room was under 60 years old. The actual procedure was quick and painless, but it was just a little strange, cause, well, I'm 19 years old, I shouldn't have to be worrying about osteoporosis. The last few weeks have definitely been eye-opening in seeing the damage to my body that I hadn't seen before.

I'm still having on and off trouble sleeping. The doctor raised the dosage of my sleep meds today, so hopefully that'll help. I feel like I'm on so many drugs, but it is helping. I don't think I've ever taken so many vitamins before! And now I get to add this nasty powder mix stuff 3 times a days to, um, get my colon working again.

The weather is still CRAZY. It's been pretty consistantly cold. There have been a lot of storms the last few days, right now there's lots of lightning and thunder. And the weather forcast for tommorrow morning is...more snow. I miss the California sun!

A new week....

You know, me and some of the other girls were talking the other day, about how each day goes by SO slow, but the weeks actually fly by. I hope so, cause it's only Monday, and so far it seems like it'll be FOREVER till the weekend. Some people probably think that places like this are pretty relaxing, like "summer camp" as some have said. But I am probably more busy here than I am at home. We're going from one thing to another from 8am (actually, I usually wake up at like 6:30 to get ready, have vitals taken, take meds, etc.) till about 7pm, with usually only one break (which most of us have deemed "naptime"). I am tired at the end of the day!

I've had a few changes happen, most exciting, I think is....drumroll please....I'M TOTALLY OUT OF THE WHEELCHAIR!!!! I'm very excited if you couldn't tell :-). I didn't get off in time to go to the outing on Saturday, or church on Sunday, but hopefully next week. Today I was also technically moved up to the Residential level of treatment. I say technically because, while they are having to put me on that level because my insurance company is getting antsy, practically, not much has changed. They said that I'm really not in the place where I should be moved along, and they worked it out so that not much is different besides the title. I'll still be living on the same unit, and will wait to move to the more supervised place. Technically I am eligible to go out on passes (alone, or with other patients), but those have to be approved by the treatment team, and I doubt that right now they would be. It does kind of concern me, because I'm afraid that if insurance wants to move me along so quickly, and do the same through the other levels, and push me out before I'm ready. I guess I'll just have to hope and pray that it doesn't happen that way.

While Sunday was pretty hard, it being Easter, and being away, not even able to go to church with the other girls, I did get a visitor. It was kind of an interesting situation. I had never actually met this girl before, I don't really know her. We connected through an online alumni group for Remuda, the last treatment center I was in. She used to live in Tulsa, and doesn't now, but she was in town for the weekend. So she offered to come visit me. It was really nice, good to see someone from "the outside", even if I hadn't previously known her. That was a bright spot in an otherwise pretty difficult weekend.

I've been sleeping better the last few days, the doctor FINALLY perscribed me some sleeping pills. They do have some side effects, but hopefully those will go away eventually. Sleep is good...I enjoy it :-)

To start off the weekend...

So, it's the beginning of the weekend, and weekends are VERY relaxed here. It does get kind of boring, but also really nice, cause by the end of the week, we are all both physically and emotionally exhausted. On Saturdays they take us out, either shopping or to the movies or smething like that. However, I'm still not medically stable enough to be allowed out. I was disappointed that I can't go today, but I'll hope for next week. So pretty much, lots of movies, and naps, and hanging out is planned for today and tommorrow.

For all of last week, I was on "full wheelchair" which meant that basically, I wasn't allowed to walk. Even in the clinic, or back on the unit where I stay, I had to be pushed between rooms and stuff. They had me on that cause my blood pressure and pulse and such were pretty messed up. Now those are a lot better, so I'm only on the partial chair, just transported between buildings. Hopefully next week I'll be able to get off all of those and actually be able to walk, and go on the outings. It kind of came as a shock to me to realize that I've actually done a lot of damage to my body and my health, even if I don't see it a lot of the time. And it's not going to just get better after a few meals. It's frustrating to be doing all that they tell me to, and to still feel bad. But I have treated my body like crap for 5 years, I guess I should be patient with it to adjust to all the changes, even if they are good changes.

I'm starting to bond more with all the girls, and feeling comfortable to speak up a lot more in group therapy and such. I'm getting to know the staff better, and while of course I've butted heads with some of them on certain issues, for the most part I really like them. I've especially bonded with the overnight care tech on my unit. I've had a really hard time sleeping for the last few nights. I'm always afraid to go to bed, because I know that the time between when I lie down, and when I fall asleep is when the monsters in my head really come out. The last few nights, she's done everything she could to make me feel safe, sometimes just sitting with me for hours. She has been such a blessing, and I can tell that she really actually cares, it's not just her job.

I'm starting to get pretty homesick.I really miss everyone back home, and my friends, and my puppy. I'm lucky to be in pretty consistent contact with people, most treatment centers aren't like that. But it's still hard. I wish I were closer, so people could come visit :-(

Yesterday I actually had a doughnut for breakfast! The dietician brought them in for a challange. She said the new people had the option of not participating, but I decided to go for it anyways. And I survived :-)

The weather is so crazy in Oklahoma. So unpredictable, it can start out sunny and hot, and the next hour be 30 degrees cooler. Last week the temperatures were in the 80's....and then yesterday, it SNOWED. Yes, actually snowed. In April. It was crazy. Now it's still pretty cold, the temperature is in the low 20's at night, but it's supposed to be back up in the 80's by next week.

Well, it's time to go down to lunch now (I swear, it's like we eat every other hour here), so I will end here for now. Till later...

So...

So, I was trying to think of an easy way to keep people somewhat updated on my life, especially while I'm away. I thought MySpace blogs would be a good idea...until I discovered that the hospital's wireless network that we hack into blocks MySpace, plus, that's only viewable to members. So, I figured I might as well create a new blog.

For those of you who don't know, I am currently in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in an inpatient treatment center for anorexia. In case anyone has any curiosity about the place I'm in, it is at Lauraete Psychiatric Hospital (yes, I'm in a psych hospital...I just came to the realization the other day that there are about 3 or 4 locked doors between me and outside...but it really isn't what you picture). The website is here, and it has pictures and stuff of the place, for visualization and such ;-). It is actually a really beautiful place, like a bubble of green, and brick buildings, and ponds, plopped right in the middle of a city.

I'm hoping this can be a way to keep people caught up, and in touch a little. As well as a place to process my thoughts, experiences, accomplishments, disappointments, etc. Now I just need to follow through and actually WRITE...never one of my strong points ;-)


Oh, and I must not forget to leave the address, so you all can send lots and lots of mail...mail makes me happy :-).

Brooke Beatty
Wells 2, EDU
6655 South Yale Ave.
Tulsa, OK 74136