One small step for man...

I just went out to ice cream. And not just the half scoop of vanilla, in a tidy little cup like we get in the cafeteria. Maggie Moo's, Tulsa's version of Cold Stone...like, real ice cream. And I'm still alive. And you know what? It was pretty damn good.

Ummm...can't think of a good title...

Well, I started off writing a blog last week, but got interrupted by one of those pesky snack times. So, I figured I'd just start over, cause all of that would be old news by now :-). Speaking of pesky snack times, I've got another one coming up in about 10 minutes, so I'll type fast, and stick to the highlights...

• Week before last (has it been that long?) was family week, and my parents and brother came out here. It was great to have them here, not so fun to have to say goodbye after only 5 days though
• I've been able to go out on more passes with friends, and with my family here, which has been fun, and nice to be partly in the "real world". If I can figure out how (and if I can) post pictures on here, I'll put a few up (let's keep it on the DL though...cameras are technically contraband here)
• This last weekend I actually didn't go on any passes, which I was looking forward to just having some time to chill....I feel like I haven't gotten to relax and do nothing in SO long. It actually was more challanging than I thought it would be, being the only one that was here for some of the time. I learned that I might not be ready to have so much alone time, and so little accountablity. And without going into too much detail, I also was able to really feel how crappy it is to feel deceitful and sneaky, and how I NEVER want to be that person, and feel that way again. Not to say that it probably won't ever happen, no one is perfect, but I think I have more motivation to avoid it as much as I can.
• Last week a friend and I made a very important discovery. The outpatient clinic on the other wing has REAL coffee...not the nasty stuff they try to pass off as coffee in the cafeteria. And...they leave their door unlocked...we've made it a break time activity now. Shhh, don't tell :-). Haha...every time we go down there, I get the 007 theme song stuck in my head :-)
• Speaking of songs getting stuck in my head, that has driven me crazy lately. I've always been one of those people who gets songs stuck in my head, but it's gotten worse I think. Is it normal to NEVER not have a random (and they get pretty random!) song stuck in your head? Seriously, I think something's wrong with me...I have to remember to ask the doctor about it next time I see him

Ok, I must go to my snack now, and then our whole group meeting after that, which should be pretty interesting, there was a lot of drama in the group this weekend...as much as I don't like conflict, at least it keeps it interesting :-)

Crazy weather!

Ok, so I thought I had seen thunderstorms. I mean, it rains sometimes in Fresno...we get some thunder...little bit of lightning maybe. Well after last night, I will never think of that as a real storm again. Storms in Oklahoma are CRAZY! It seriously felt like the world was coming to an end, like the sky was falling. I've never seen anything like it. It was raining SO hard, and the thunder was pretty much a constant rumbling, with lots of loud bangs and crashes mixed in. The lightning lit up the whole sky, and then also had the lightning bolts that seemed to split the sky in half. I never thought I was afraid of storms...apparently I'd just never seen any real ones. And I've learned that the night tech who works on weekends LOVES storms...she said she'd love to be a storm chaser. So here I am freaking out, the whole time she's talking about how great this is, how she'd love to go up to the roof and watch, don't I want to go out on the porch and watch (I ended up being dragged out there...said she didn't want me to be afraid of it...I'm not a fan of the whole "exposure therapy" idea). Ok, she was actually very nice and comforting about it...just thought it was a little funny that I was so scared of a storm. People were shocked that this seemed so abnormal to me, that I'd never seen a storm like this before. I keep trying to tell them all that we have nice weather in California...never again will I complain about the weather in Fresno! And apparently out here they have these sirens that go off to warn about tornados and severe weather, so now I am completely paranoid about anything that sounds even remotely like an alarm...I think the nurses got tired of me running out there every time I heard a noise :-). And then, after the big storm last night, we got an even bigger one at like 4:00 this morning...it woke me up...I ended up back up at the nurses station...keeping a close eye on the weather channel for a tornado warning. Needless to say, I did not sleep well. It's supposed to be storming all week :-(. That's about all the exciting news I've got time for right now...I'm being summoned to snack time. Just pray that I don't get blown away by a tornado in the next couple days...

I haven't disappeared...

So, I'm discovering that I've become very flakey about posting, returning messages, e-mails, and probably calls too. This is sad....I'm trying to work on it. I don't have a whole lot of time to catch people up right now, I'm not even really supposed to be on my computer, but I keep saying, oh, I'll do it later, and it never really happens. So I will try to write more tonight, but I'll give a little bit now in case that doesn't happen.

Things are going ok. I don't know if this is new since last time I posted, but I am now on the Partial level, which is the last one. This basically just means that I can go on longer passes, have to take care of my own medication, and can go places by myself (which is actually only a privilege I received today...2 weeks AFTER I got put on Partial. That was frustrating). We are trying to figure out a plan for discharge date, possibly doing half days so I'd be able to stay longer, plans for what I'm going to do afterward. It feels weird to be thinking about it, I feel like I just got here, but it has been over a month. Wow, it really doesn't seem that long.

This past weekend was fun, I was able to go out on my first pass, besides the outings the staff takes us on every Saturday. I went bowling and to Starbucks with a few of the other girls. Bowling was...well....I learned that it is not a talent I have. And also that I have abnormally small fingers...I had to check out a special ball from behind the desk...6 pounds, extra small finger holes...yup, endured some teasing from that :-). And Starbucks was VERY good. Oh. how I have missed my Starbucks!

One thing that is not good right now, is that my TMJ (for those of you who don't know, it's a jaw condition) is really acting up. It's really strange, normally it just hurts if I've done something I wasn't supposed to (like chew lots of gum), and it's never been this bad. It's causing a LOT of pain, especially when chewing, or stuff like that...and chewing is something I actually do on a regular basis now :-/. I think that I'm probably going to go see a specialist about it, and hopefully they'll be able to do something about it.

Ok, that's all for now, the next group starts in....uh oh, 2 mintues ago. I will try to catch up more soon. I love you all and miss you lots, and although I haven't been very good at showing it, I haven't forgotten about anyone! Till later...